Friday, August 26, 2011

sorry guys, i cant do it anymore.

okay, this is seriously the last time that i'm writing in this blog.
it doesnt represent me anymore and it makes me wanna commit suicide again.
i cant. if anyone wants it just message me, i feel like its haunted.
i cant think of this shit anymore, i want my normal life back,
the problem is when you cant have it. i'm sick, okay?
really, deeply sick.
sorry my beloved followers again.
love you guys always, Allie.

xx

Monday, August 1, 2011

another disordered bitch?

Hello lovelies, incredibly good mood today.
I can admit that i'm feeling optimistic even though i'm treated downtrodden.
Its the first time in the last 5 years that i enjoy eating doughnuts.
I dont feel like a fatass, it's just okay to me.

I havent seen my brother in ages, i wanna apologize to him, i was such an ass,
because of my problems i turned you down wise owl.
i love you, you are the only one that really helps me through that phase.
we'll catch up later, okay? i'm sorry but i cant right now.
I've turned off my phone and i deactivated my facebook/twitter account
 in case you wanna know.

Oh, and the second problem of mine right now is J.
He had hardly been in touch with me these days and he was like my ghost before.
everyday,all day chasing after me.
What happened skinny love? I miss your uninterrupted chatter 



Thursday, July 28, 2011

I want to be a part of it, New York


Ohmygod , its been only a couple of weeks after my previous post.
I'm fine, still breathing at least.

I feel weird, my whole life is different now.
I'm considering moving back in NY, in my beloved school, but not sure yet.
Dad's not okay with me going to Le Rosey boarding school and i have to 
keep visiting my doctor here and a clinic for eating disorders.
 found a boy here. he's struggling with anorexia, he is sooo cuteand he is dyslexic, 
his writing sucks but thats lovely, it sounds to me that i'm into him.
his name is Travis, we go good together, well we'll see how it works out.

still i'm shittie, i miss my friends and summer in Greece.
i miss everything from Allie, i'm totally different here,now.
am i hoping for a miracle ? all i can do is be me , whoever that is.
re-learn to live.
Take good care of your warrior souls.
Allie. xx

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

ironic laugh.

i'll die , sooner than you expect.
it's the last time i'm writing in here
thanks for everything, honestly. 
Allie. x

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

can you spell summer?

Oh,oh,oh summer OHELEVEN.
I'm so excited that in like one week i'll be in USA.
My one and only problem is that i haven't fixed my suitcases yet.
while i'm too busy thinking about it.
I'm known to be an over-thinker and an under-doer, and that is definitely a bad point of my.
So convenient,that.
Didn't someone say that no decision was worse than a bad decision?

Oh forgot to mention that i'm single, the blondie is back in market guys.
This time last year things were so so different, but i dont know yet if they were better.
I feel that i deserve this, i forced him to do what i wanted.
I never considered that it might be him that it was leaving.
I dont feel at all broken, i'm going to California in 2 weeks, what can be wrong?
I'm waiting for that, for the summer midnight parties, the unending gossip with my girlfriends, 
the microwave tans, the neon-coloured sorbet ice creams and so more. 
What are your summer plans? Let me know. x

Friday, June 17, 2011

no expectations , no disappointments.


 In life .. No matter who you are, where you are and what you do... 
there are always bad things and good things that happen and change your life. 
When either each of the two occur, what you should do is, in order to protect your self, 
to see the good side and the bad side of the situations.
                             One important fact is that these both bad and good sides always exist, 
in either situation, but one side will always be stronger.
Think about it.
We usually say "everything happens for a reason" for bad things ...
but don't forget the good things, cause they can be tricky and turn into bad later.

So, don''t expect things, because tomorrow never knows.
“The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.”

Thursday, June 16, 2011

re-locating wonderland.

" Never say goodbye, because saying goodbye 
means going away and going away, means forgetting. "


I'm sure that my brother googles that witty quotes.
It's funny how a quote can blossom into a serious conversation. 
We have been discussing about our future, and which is the most difficult part,
we both agreed on letting something go, or not letting something go.
You may choose to follow a different path in your life, so what?
Your past is everything you have, your dirty little secrets.
We cannot change it. We cannot change the fact that we met some certain people
that acted in a certain way and we had certain feelings!
We remain heart-broken, or happy, or unhappy or whatever the hell we feel or felt.
My point is that we should accept that whatever happened to our past,
it had all worked together to bring us to this very moment.
So, the only thing we can do is play with what we have, and this is our attitude.
and that is inevitable. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

School's out.


Wow, its the first time i feel so at a loss with the end of the school year.
I don't know whether i'll stay here in Monaco, or move into a swiss boarding school,but overall i'm happy.
On Thursday i fly back to my 'home', Greece. 
So weird that i'll be there, with people i used to spend all my prosaism with them.
I have a boyfriend, that i want to believe that he cares about me and wonderful friends.
The only thing that stresses me out is my brother relocating in Baltimore, USA.
(i'm a proud sister of a brother that's a student in Johns Hopkins for Medicine )

I'm really sorry for being so terrible with my blog, i hate me for that so,so much.
Allie. xx

P.S. Oh and this body with the hair in this picture is me. I love it latter-day. 

Monday, May 16, 2011

all it is, is slide the wakes.


Sorry i've been such a terrible blogger, but i have no time for such things.
I promise that i'll keep in touch with this blog as much as i can.

God, I miss my friends. I'm so lonely in Monaco, you have no idea.

Doesn't mean I'm alone, I'm mostly always surrounded by people who care about me
but still i dont feel that i belong here .. (once again)
But ...quality > quantity, you get what I'm saying?

This Sunday found me in Spetses, Greece among my beloved friends
.
I saw myself giving smiles away and getting almost wasted .
Sometimes i feel blessed that i have a grandfather with a yacht giving me 1day-trips. 
So, that was it, a great, exhilarating weekend in the 'ocean'

I adore rippling oceans.
People have stared at the endless masses of dark salt water 
that cover seven tenths of our world and, invariably, felt small, solitary, transient and awestruck.
It’s so surprising, that sea is the only thing on our earth
 that has remained virtually unaffected in several millenia.

Allie. xx

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Hate me, just because i want you really bad.

I want to be extremely skinny, okay? There, I've admitted it. AGAIN.
Anything changed? Nope.

Just when you think things are going well, something comes along and reminds you that life isn't fair, 
and you're not allowed to be happy,
 and you're not allowed to forget all the bad stuff
and you are not allowed to make anyone else happy because of your selfness.
i mean it was just a moment, i let myself live and cheer 
and then it happened. it was good, really good.
it's not that i miss you boy, is that i'm self-centered sometimes and i hate that
once again in public i'm admitting it. 'i am really sorry'

I would like to go somewhere where no one knows, and no one remembers. It's too hard being here now.
But i'm too strong,right? I'll stay here and face it. Just wish me luck, i need it.

Life is easy with eyes closed.


What if a demon were to creep after you one day or night, in your loneliest loneness
 and say: "This life which you live and have lived, must be lived again by you, and innumerable times more. 
And there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and every sigh— everything unspeakably small and great in your life—must come again to you, and in the same sequence and series.
" Would you not throw your self down and curse the demon who spoke to you thus?
Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment, 
in which you would answer him: "Thou art a god, and never have I heard anything more divine!" 

                                                                                              - Nietzsche, The Gay Science (1882)

Saturday, April 30, 2011

What you gonna do Katie?

'every morning i wake up with the knowledge the best moment of my day has already pass'
That is, sorrow and suffering and hate everywhere 
and you can feel the weight of it crushing your very soul 

So you close your eye's and you believe and you believe hard.

In God, In Science, In Karma and even in the fact that the world inside your head could be real somewhere

Even if somewhere in your heart you no it cant be so
you no she will never let you explain why you did what you did
you no you will never become that greatyou no you will never be loved that much 


(recently i'm in love with this song, take a look.)

Friday, April 29, 2011

how do we say goodbye if we've hardly said hello?


oh my goodness goodness! 
i hope everyone enjoyed their spring break, a month is only left guys.
keep up the good work, lock horns with the exams.

i beat myself internally about what i want in my life, and how it contradicts what i need. 
i have been told i think too much, 
but still, it's a little daunting to realise
 that you are a sex-aholic and a relationship-ruiner(there's no such world, i know)
i am a little bit of a scatterbrain of emotions, but i guess i just want what every human wants:
 a sense of constancy against a wave of overwhelming instability. 

i hope everybody takes time to acknowledge that life is beautiful. 
see life in technicolor, and not black and white. 

Allie. xx

Sunday, April 24, 2011

London's Calling.

It's amazing how exhilarating a simple trip off town can be.
I wonder if you missed my presence and my posts in blogspot. 
I can admit that this period of my life was a bit too difficult,
some things are just hard to write about.

I've just met the girlfriend of my ex/best friend. She's lovable,veritably!
My inner self is a bit jealous, but wholesale i'm happy for both.

My psych isn't so shitty, but still i feel like having a giant whole inside me. 
I don't want to feel complete, just a little less empty.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

california girl, show your teeth


My soul is a hidden orchestra; I know not what instruments,
 what fiddlestrings and harps,drums and tambours I sound and clash inside myself. 
All i hear is a symphony.         
                                                                              -Fernando Pessoa.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

it's all about control.


I DON’T CARE WHAT MY THERAPIST SAYS, WHAT THE DOCTORS SAY, 
WHAT MY BROTHER SAYS OR WHAT THE FUCKING CHARTS SAY. 
I’M TELLING YOU THAT I KNOW MY OWN FUCKING BODY BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.
 I’M THE ONE WHO LIVES WITH IT EVERY DAY
 AND I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS FUCKING BIG.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

the miserable queen.

Someone,somewhere, tell me how you can beat yourself up. 
Please explain, why the hell are we doing stupid,crazy things for people who break our hearts.
On a daily basis i feel so confused and angry about going along with whatever of going on.
I've tried to stop, but you're my dope. 
i cant live without thinking your existence. and i effing hate myself for doing that.
i just want you to be mine and i'll be yours.
please, help me fix that even if you havent that sexy british accent he has, please.

(okay,found out,thankks)

truth hurts.


 the binge monster is stalking the streets everywhere. 
I didn't run far enough, and got snatched by the bastard.
I’m sitting here eating a ton of m&m's ,and, drinking diet coke..

I’m like those people who order a billion super-sized things from McDonalds, 
but then get a diet coke…
THATS NOT GOOD.

i need to lose weight, i need to become a skinny bitch.
i dont want to be average anymore.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

my wise owl is back #7

yesterday i felt all shitty.my sister is a attention whore. period.
sometimes i feel like i hate her, how can she be all 'woopie doopie' ?

whatsoever, we had a conv with my bro while shipping hot chocolate
and he told me again something that lighted me up. 
and that was only a simple phrase:
'The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.'

back for good.

Whew, it's been a while!
7 days lying down,being sick and with chondromalacia
my fluffy coach had literally taken the shape of my body...
i had watched at least 10 episodes of 90210 , 4 movies ,
 3 GG episodes, Glee and a whole season of Laguna Beach 
and skyped with at least 5 people ! being sick is amaze.
But now, i'm backk you crazy bitches. hahh

oh, and i created a tumblr. check it out please. xx

Saturday, March 5, 2011

ignorance is strength

i hope you knew how difficult is for me to pretend that there's nothing between us
you've got that charming, disarming smile and those beautiful eyes.
that so familiar smell and your preppy look.

its funny how things change, you know.
i mean, how can you pretend that you dont care, at all?
hah, i told you that i still love you and you laughed.
you told me that you love me back and you cuddled me.
thanks for those precious moments.
i dont have the strength to ignore you, i'm not that strong.
i'd never been, just for you to know..

sorry i dont mean to be rude.

Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

shining like stars.



when I was a baby, my mommy dropped me in a box of glitter. I've been shining ever since.
true fact , and i'm totally bored of being so shiny.

oh, you think you can tell?

She hurts and she cries but you cant see the depression in her eyes,
 because she just smiles.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Who cares?


sex,drugs and rock n roll. 
weed, speed and bitch control. 
life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck the world and let's get high.
this weekend was so.. awesome?

Saturday, February 26, 2011

blame the alcohol.


Yesterday was a greeeeeeeeeat party.I kind of danced my ass off.
All of the chicks in there were likee 
" If you wanna get with me there's some things you gotta know
I like my beats fast, and my bass down low. "
and thennn after a while the whole house was under the shouting of
' TEQUILAAAA BOOM BOOMMM'

today rock concert. yeapp, it's gonna be a longg night. -)
Allie. xx

Thursday, February 24, 2011

why is it so HOT in Feb?


WHOAA, i totally adore him.
He's the guy, my parents had warned me about.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

that's so inconvenient.



“I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt you planned on falling in love with me. 
But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. 
We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, 
*something rare and beautiful was created.
 For me, love like that has happened only once 
and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. 
I’ll never forget a single moment of it.”
                              
                                                                    -The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

copycats?

Ιs it me or "xoxo" from GG is spreading around on Twitter- /Βlogspotland?
 And is it me or it completely sucks?

how can i get rid of that?


I have the feeling I might be about to get myself in to something that I don't think I'm strong enough to handle.
 I'm not sure, but I just have a weight in my stomach.
Don't know whether I should walk down the road or run away,again. ...

I can smile and laugh until everyone believes i'm happy.
But the truth is, i'm not even okey.

Let me breath again.

need you to know that I am always going to be here. 
No matter what. So long as you know that, everything else will work out OK? x
i totally miss you hottie bear. <3

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Big lights will inspire you.



- Where are the people? it's a little lonely in the desert...
- It is lonely when you're among people too

overcome your fears.


It's so sad seeing 8-year-old girls caring that much about their appearance.
these obsessions destroy the pure childhood.

this reminds me of my swimsuit,i've been standing in front of the mirror and crying for hours
 because i felt like giant pudge. i was nine years old. third grade.
 it has to do with my brain chemistry. i’ve always felt big.

bitch mafia.


months. 
YEARS are more suitable.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

you don’t know me at all.


i really miss dancing. so much.
i miss the feeling that you get when you overcome an obstacle.
when you get your new ballet shoes/pointe. 
when you can hear to your teacher cheering you and applauding.
when you are on the stage, and there's a three-some: you,the stage & the music.

i hope that someday i'll get the chance to start ballet again.
because deep inside i'm a whippy, la-di-da ballerina. 

Friday, February 18, 2011

shipping my oreo shake. x


weekend off the town.
i'm in London, biatch. x

Lovedrunk.

I totally adore Cam Gigandet. 
he's an orgasm on leeegs.

Oh, and if you have some free time with nothing to do, go and see "Burlesque"
it's amazing. not only the concept but also the actors/actresses.



and it just fades away..


There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, 
the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again. 
If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.

Ι wish I were again the 7-year-old girl with the dirty-blonde hair and the bright smile
, who wanted to become a ballerina.
I would have taken another part in my life, i wouldnt be so ashamed of me right now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip


when everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.... 
How can you hide from what never goes away?
I'm the cause of all of this. I pushed him away, only to then realise my feelings. 
and that's so inconvenient.
I hate myself for loosing him . .

'Strength is nothing more than how well you hide your pain'